Should have gone to school to be James Bond or a Ninja

Just joined the ENTP - Visionary group on Facebook.

It had a description of the ENTP personality and careers for ENTP's.

ENTPs are innovators, explorers, entrepreneurs and visionaries. Always looking over the next horizon, trying to push the edge of the envelope and trying to do what other people say can't be done. What is -- is never good enough. Our vision of what Could Be and a powerful drive turn our visions into reality. Explaining everyone and everything... it could almost be the ENTP mission statement.

It is our goal to understand people and things. We are not bound by our generalizations, nor are we necessarily committed to them. We simply want to comprehend. This group is a forum in which the members can boldly advance any idea, theory, perspective or triviality that suits their fancy. We tend to be tolerant, challenging, entertaining, stimulating, unorthodox and sometimes just plain off the wall. It's our playground.
...

While successful people of all types are found in all occupations, some careers popular with ENTPs include: Politician, Political Manager, Analyst, Strategic Planner, Investment Broker, Litigator, Public Relations Specialist, Restaurateur, Entrepreneur, Actor, Dictator, Real Estate Developer, Computer Consultant, International Spy, TV Producer, Philosopher, Fighter Pilot, Diplomat, Freelance Writer, Creative Director, Strategist, News Anchor, College Professor, Private Detective, Lecturer, Ambassador, Astronomer, Research Scientist, Judge, Web Developer, Scholar, Management Consultant, Special Projects Developer, FBI or CIA Agent, Assassin

I highlighted a few of my favorites.

Counselor is not on there.

Dictator/Spy/CIA Agent/Assassin

How cool is that?

I started Twitter and blogging again

I've posted more this week/month than in the past 6 months or so.

One reason is joining Facebook. It became most of my computer during the week and has been a great way to connect and re-connect with friends. One of the key things about Facebook is that for me, it has been much more interactive than blogging.

Another reason has been joining the elder team at Gresham Bible Church.
Besides our weekly meeting, my prayer time, study, emotional and spiritual energies have gone into learning and adjusting to this new role and rhythm to our life, personally and as a family.

While I have been used to protecting confidences in counseling I haven't really written much about small group ministry and ministry as an elder and I've come to realize that part of it has been not wanting to share or be open that we haven't arrived yet. I've made the mistake that because we aren't where we want to be yet there's nothing to report, kind of a twist on "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it." I've missed out on sharing the story of the process, the growth and struggles and lessons learned along the way.

Pastor Barry Arnold at Cornerstone Church wrote a blog recently about transparency and described churches that begin "open" and become "closed", moving from transparent to "opaque" I realized that had been hunkering down, becoming isolated and inward with my thoughts, easing up on the discipline of blogging was a sign of being discouraged, wondering about my lack of impact and influence at church or through blogging. It just seemed like a waste of time without any feedback or conversation. I know who I am and am pretty secure in that, but am I making a difference? Since teaching/preaching and writing are not my gifts/skill/strengths is blogging a good investment of limited time and energy?

Well, I've decided to share (and try not to over-share, still trying to figure out how to toe that line) what God is doing, what's going on with me and with the family and hope that it will impact someone positively. Life is short, I need to tell our story and I pray it will bring God glory.
John Piper's Desiring Blog gives 6 Reasons Pastors Should Blog that I read last year but had lost sight of. (Another good list by Church Crunch)

And some of this is remembering that blogging even if no one reads it does help me focus, process experiences, stores some memories for future reflection, refine ideas, communicate more effectively, be more thoughtful about what I'm doing (especially in counseling).

I also started Twitter 07/09/09 for some of the same reasons.

In the past I had commented on Tyler Braun's blog last September that I didn't want to Twitter

Right now I’m in Shoot-me-if-Twitter mindset. I’ve noticed 1, 4 and 5 from joining Facebook. I will reserve the right to change my mind and follow my kids on Twitter in the future if necessary though. I’ve been wrestling with the idea that I should spend more time living my life vs. reading about and following other peoples’, and that’s just what I’m thinking from reading books, blogs and Facebook, and I don’t see how Twitter would help with that.

It was kind of ironic coming from someone who loves biographies.
But Twitter has really shifted from tweeting about mundane stuff like what people are eating for breakfast to an amazing tool to share, add value to others' lives; it can be a leadership tool and that's how I want to use it. I am still sorting out how to distinguish and use Twitter vs Facebook, in terms of what content to post given the different levels of security and access.

Michael Hyatt also posted Answers to the top 10 Objections to Twitter and 12 reasons to start Twitter.
Mashable's tips to getting started has been helpful.

Just a few of my favorite people I'm following since starting Twitter are John Maxwell, Shaq, John Piper, Rick Warren, Facebook friends and the various NBA and Blazer info tweeters.

Staying together "for the sake of the kids"

I cringe a bit when I hear about couples "staying together for the sake of the kids"

I wish more couples would stay together for the sake of their marriage or for the sake of their spouse, their wife or husband.

What I mean is "staying together because of the kids" is like saying I am committed to other things - peace, tolerance, the kids, their education, their comfort, their schedule, financial security, this living "arrangement" - a myriad of things but NOT YOU!

Why not stay together for the sake of how you used to be or for the sake of how you could be as a couple? If you're going to "give up" your rights and stay together, how about trying to focus your efforts into

Why not stay together to give yourself a chance to repair, heal and grow back in love?

Now I'm not saying it can't be helpful to separate in order to do that but if you're going to "suffer" or "give up your rights" sacrificially in order stay together you might as well give yourself a chance to make some positive changes instead of floating along (surviving) until the kids can be "okay" on their own.

Without that commitment to each other as a bedrock, there is not enough of a foundation to do the hard work of counseling, re-build trust and resolve conflict.

Gresham Bible Church elder meetings

Eric Wood

Greg Busch

Vergil Brown

These are the men I get to spend my Wednesday evenings with at the elder meetings for Gresham Bible Church.

These men love God, love the Bible and love to serve the church. It is a privilege to serve and even though Wednesday is my longest and toughest day of the week I always leave the meetings with so much on my heart and mind.

We have our different perspectives, personalities, life experiences, approaches, strengths and weaknesses.

And I think we are really starting to complement each other, building teamwork and trust.
We all want to see God move in our community and for everyone who comes to grow in their faith in Christ.

We just finished reading through Biblical Eldership together tonight and that has been a valuable study together.

Acts29 just posted a blog on 10 Qualifications of a Church Planter - at first glance a pretty extensive, intimidating list. I don't know if each of us is a "10" in each of these areas but looking through I would find myself saying, by God's grace, we have the bases covered. One characteristic we discussed a lot tonight was being approachable and listening to concerns or criticism and making it a priority to listen so that everyone might feel valued and heard.

Lots going on right now, we are definitely not taking the summer off as a church, very cool to see how encouraged Vergil is feeling right now about how things are going with the various ministries of the church.

Another highlight is getting a regular preview of the Vergil's upcoming sermon.

We are thinking about what next book to study through together.

Marriage counseling

A few things I've noticed in marriage counseling lately

1) You've got to be able to Dude-speak and not lose the wife.
a) Connecting with husband is vital and you've got to do it FAST! First session ideally, by end of 2nd session at the latest or you're toast.
I'm not talking grunts and fist bumps but you've got to at least project that vibe a bit. Even though I've only been counseling the past 5 years working with a wide variety of ages and personalities the past 13 years at Kaiser has equipped me to do this fairly quickly.
b) You've got to give him something to do, set him up for success and it must be clear, logical and practical. Or you're just wasting his time and "There, see! I tried it and it didn't work!"

2) You've got to "make a safe place" for the wife and not lose the husband.
And yes, of course, I do this with all clients but I try to be especially conscious that with all this dude-speak and acknowledgment-of-my-fellow-man-in-the-room that the heart and hurts of the wife are quickly heard and validated. I try to empathize/listen, model, explain what I'm doing and then hand that off as quickly as I can to husband. Hopefully by session 2 or 3 he's doing this more and more and at home.

Related to this is the presence of tears. Not that I manipulate ladies to cry or think it automatically is a sign of a "successful" counseling session, but it is rare that the wife doesn't cry or tear up in the first session or two. If she doesn't that is a pretty good sign one or more of the Four Horsemen are on the scene and she's Stonewalling and pretty hurt, angry or scared and not willing to be vulnerable in front of her husband. Progress will be slow and/or individual counseling may be best.

3) A sense of humor is vital in couples counseling.
A good sign that things are getting better is when the couple is laughing at themselves or together in session - I love to see that. But at the start I try, when appropriate, to inject some levity into the intensity. Not to minimize problems or shame either of them but sometimes they just need a break from the conflict.
Humor (when not too snarky) can serve to validate and normalize problems, soften negative feedback about unfair fighting, coach other-person perspective or teach empathy.

4) Hope.
You've got to quickly inject hope - big and small - into their system or you lose both of them.
One of my favorite ways to do this is to just help them listen well. Another is taking the shame away of disrespectful, harmful patterns of behavior and speech which gives them a chance to talk about it, own up to it, apologize and re-commit to treating each other better, if only for a little while.
Simple things, but huge difference makers.